Harry Potter and the Emotional Issues
by sarahwicz
Summary: ABANDONED Ever wonder how everything seems to happen to Harry and yet he really does seem to stay sane for the most part? Fudge is wondering too. And what does McGonagall have to say on all of this? Place your bets!
1. Chapter 1

A/N: Okay, please do not ask me where I got this idea. I was just playing Spider Solitaire and it hit me. Harry has emotional issues so he needs to see someone… special. If this were real, it would take place during Harry's sixth year, so yeah.

Disclaimer: You think I own Harry Potter? Wow, you must be dull then.

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"I don't believe this, I do not believe this." 

"What Harry?" asked Hermione and Ron at the same time. The three of them were sitting in the Common Room and Hedwig had just brought Harry a letter. He gave it to them to read in a huff. It read:

_Dear Harry,_

_After much consideration, I have decided you have gone through too much in your life already and you haven't talked about it at all. Therefore, Professor McGonagall and I would like you to attend a session to talk about your feelings with Dr. Grey, a specialist at St. Mungo's. Your appointment is at 2:30 today. We will send someone down to get you._

_-Albus_

The two looked over at Harry who was banging his head against the table muttering, "I'm not insane." Ron slapped him on his head, "Mate, if you keep doing that they'll _know_ you're insane." Harry glared at him and Ron laughed, "Hey, come on, I'm not the one making you see Dr. Grey."

"But I'm not crazy or anything. If I needed to talk to someone then I would talk to you guys, Remus, or someone like that, not somebody I don't even know! Besides, what have I gone through in my life that's worth talking about?"

Ron stared, "Try facing Voldemort, how many times, yes five times, surviving Avada Kedavra, being the best seeker ever, being the fourth champion in the Triwizard Tournament, and saving my little sister. Any of that sound remotely interesting to you or do you need something more adventurous." Harry glared at him even harder.

"Well, maybe it would be good for you to see this doctor," Hermione said and immediately the death glare was directed at her, "Listen, maybe if you go once they'll see you're as sane as possible and they'll stop bugging you about it."

Harry shook his head, "I can't risk that cause I might really be insane, who knows? I think it's time to let my inner Marauder out, somehow…"

Ron laughed as Hermione's eyes widened, "You can't do that! From what I've heard about your father and from what I've seen Sirius doing I think that's a very bad idea. You can't be serious."

"I am, desperate times call for desperate measures. Now what to do…" his thought process was interrupted by McGonagall as she came into the Common Room, "This way Potter," she said. Harry looked desperately at his friends but Ron was rolling on the floor and Hermione was shrugging and trying to keep her laughter in by biting her lip. Harry made an extremely rude gesture with his hand.

"Please refrain yourself Potter," said McGonagall as they walked toward her office, "Fudge is insisting that we do this and so we are just to make him happy. Do try not to act too insane." Harry looked at his Professor in shock. Was she saying she wanting him to act crazy or did she want him to be normal or what? McGonagall smirked when they got in her office and said, "I'll be waiting for you here and Dumbledore will be there. You'll be perfectly safe." She threw some floo powder in the fireplace and call out, "Ministry 5th floor."

Harry glanced at the normally calm professor and stepped in the fireplace. McGonagall started chuckling and took out her notebook and purse. It was time to start making wagers.

At the ministry, Harry was immediately bombarded with reporters and Fudge himself and slowly the huge crowd made their way over to a room whose walls were made up with entirely see through glass. Fudge pushed Harry inside where a strict older man was already sitting. Harry took the only other seat in the room, which happened to be right in front of him and very uncomfortable. He waited. The doctor finally looked up from his notes, "My name is Dr. Grey. I will be examining you today. The people outside can leave if you feel uncomfortable at any time."

Harry looked around and sure enough reporters, Fudge, and Dumbledore were all standing outside waiting and watching. Harry slowly grinned as an awful idea came to mind. He turned to the doctor and said, "No that doesn't bother me, but how does that make _you_ feel?"

The doctor looked confused, "Um, fine I guess." He had never had a patient ask him that before but he continued; "Now how about we start from the beginning with your childhood."

Harry nodded, "Yes, let us proceed. Now doctor, in your childhood, did your father love you?"

The doctor looked at him and smiled, "Yes, Harry, what about your uncle?"

Harry grinned brightly, "Oh, he was fine and dandy thanks for asking, but remember we aren't here today for me, we're here to discuss you." Before the doctor could interrupt he continued, "Now, I know you said your father loved you but did you know one in every two doctors had daddy issues. That's half of them!"

"Really?"

Harry nodded, "Now when your father came home from work, what did he do?"

The doctor decided to humor Harry and said, "Well, he came home, ate dinner, did some work, drank a shot of whiskey and went to bed."

"That didn't leave much time for you know did it? How did that make you feel?"

Dr. Grey looked at Harry and saw concern in his bright emerald green eyes. 'This child wants to help me, how sweet,' he thought and then said, "It didn't make me feel very good, he never gave me a hug or anything, and when I showed him my school projects he never cared!" He had tears running down his face as he remembered his father just grunting when he got a 100 on a test or a project.

Harry nodded sympathetically, "Yes, there, there, cry all you want. You're father had no right to do that to you." The doctor started sobbing uncontrollably. Fudge decided to take action and sent men in there to take Dr. Grey out. He was dragged out as he sobbed and sobbed. Fudge stormed into the room with Dumbledore close behind him. "You had no right to do that! We were just trying to help you!"

Harry nodded and grinned wickedly then said, "And how does that make you feel?" Fudge stared in shock then stormed back out. Dumbledore smiled at Harry then led him back to the fireplace where he came out of and said, "Hogwarts!"

They landed back in Dumbledore's office and saw all the teachers standing there waiting. "Well, Harry, I think you've done enough, you may go back to the Common Room now." Harry nodded and chuckled on his way out. Dumbledore looked at the anxious teachers, "Well, he got Dr. Grey to cry about his daddy issues and managed not to say anything about his own past."

McGonagall grinned, checked her list, and said, "Alright Snape, Hooch, Binns, and Sinistra pay up. You said Harry wouldn't do anything and just go along with the doctor." The four sighed and gave their money over to McGonagall who in turn gave some to Flitwick, Hagrid, Dumbledore, and kept some for herself. She loved betting on Harry, he always won her money!

Meanwhile, Harry walked to he Fat Lady, gave the password (Flying Hippogriff), and crawled into the Common Room where Hermione and Ron were waiting anxiously. "Well, how did it go?" asked Hermione.

Harry started laughing historically. The other two looked at each other and waited. When Harry finally calmed down he said, "I made him cry about his daddy issues!" Ron and Harry started laughing again and Hermione just stood there waiting again. Harry recapped his story when he caught his breath and then said, "Hold on, I think I saw McGonagall holding and notebook with some numbers on it and a bag of money. You don't think the teachers bet on us do you?"

They looked at each other and were about to say no but then thought about it and wondered exactly why McGonagall was always on their side.

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A/N: Okay, that was good, if this reviews well, I'll write another chapter to it! 


	2. Chapter 2

A/N: Yay! People like me; they really like me! Thanks to all my great reviewers. They always rock my socks! By the way, if you have any ideas that you would like to see in this story just send them with your review!

Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter and the Mr. Dr. Professor thing is from Spongebob Squarepants.

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**Harry Potter is Insane?**

**Yesterday, a worried looking Harry Potter was pulled out of the fireplace into a glass room with a distinguished Dr. Grey, a leading specialist in many insane cases. However, it seems that Potter wasn't there to be helped; he was there to help! Grey had had a troubled childhood as a boy and Potter seem to have sense that as he tried to help the Doctor. It seems that Grey was too troubled for Potter and was moved to St. Mungo's where he is currently receiving treatment.**

Harry and Ron laughed as they read the little blurb in the newspaper and Hermione seemed to be trying to hold back laughter. Harry was grinning so evilly you would think he was the devil himself. "That will teach them for trying to treat him. Honestly, I'm not insane!" Harry chuckled.

Hermione rolled her eyes, "So that's why you put peanuts in your coke every single time you drink it."

"Hey, you try it and you'll see it's not insanity but heaven!"

Hedwig suddenly appeared leaving the three teens very confused. "How the heck did you get in here without opening a window?" asked a bemused Ron. Hedwig bit him hard as she held out her leg for Harry to take the letter. Hermione and Harry read it as Ron yelped in pain.

"No, not again," moaned Harry as he gave the letter over to Ron and he read:

_Dear Harry,_

_It seems that your antics yesterday caused quite a stir in the Ministry. They want to have you back to study you further. You will be seeing Mr. Dr. Professor Ralph (that's his title and last name unbelievably). We will be picking you up at the same time as yesterday._

_-Albus_

"Mr. Potter, come immediately!" called a familiar voice by now, McGonagall. Harry groaned even more as he looked back at his friends who weren't any help whatsoever. Ron was still crying about the bite Hedwig gave him and this time Hermione was rolling on the floor laughing at the two pathetic boys she called her friends.

The walk to McGonagall's office was silent. She opened the door for the two of them and had Harry go in first. She looked around the hallway outside her office, closed the door, and whispered to him, "Try not to make him cry Potter." Just as Harry stepped into the fireplace (pre-flooed of course), he swore he saw McGonagall take out her notebook and purse again. He made a mental note to ask her about that when he came back.

When he got to the Ministry, this time there were only a few reporters so he made his way to the room by himself. This time he sat down in the chair with no one in front of him. He looked around and found Dumbledore and Fudge where they were before. He was about to ask him where the doctor was when a man came in with a look that said I'm-Too-Good-For-You-So-You-Had-Better-Have-A-Reason-For-Intruding-On-My-Special-Time-With-Myself. "I am Mr. Dr. Professor Ralph. I'm letting you know that I do not have any 'daddy issues' so therefore you will not ask me about my childhood and I will proceed to ask you about yours. Is that clear?" He sat himself down after wiping off the already clean seat.

Harry rolled his eyes. Honestly, he thought he was here because they thought he was insane, not stupid. Then his awful plan came to mind and he did his evil laugh in his head before saying, "No."

Ralph looked up; "Excuse me?"

"No."

"What is it that I just said that is unclear to you?"

"No."

"That was not a yes or no question."

"No."

Ralph cleared his throat. Nobody had told him the boy was going to be like this. "Okay," he started, "In your childhood, did your aunt and uncle love you?"

"No."

"Did you want them to love you?"

"No."

"Why?"

"No."

"Are you going to keep saying no even with questions that aren't yes or no questions to begin with?"

"No."

"Then I suggest you start now."

"No."

Ralph groaned and went outside the glass room for a second. He went up to Fudge and said, "You've given me a mentally retarded boy."

Dumbledore smiled, "I can assure you there is nothing wrong with Harry physically seeing as he does well on all of his tests. In fact, his scores are better then yours if I seem to recall correctly."

Ralph ignored Dumbledore and turned once again to the Minister, "Whatever you're paying me for this, I want double."

"Excuse me?"

"You heard me. This boy is not speaking at all and I will not tolerate that with my current pay."

"Fine, get in there!" Ralph turned and walked into the room with his head held high. He went back into his seat and began rummaging through his folder. Harry looked on in interest wondering how the Mr. Dr. Professor was going to try to get him to say something other then no. Ralph turned to Harry and said, "Inkblots, I'm sure you know how that works. When I take out an inkblot you say the thing that comes to mind." He showed Harry one that looked like ice cream.

"No."

One that looked like a dog. He said, "No."

One that looked like a sailboat. He said, "No."

One that looked like an inkblot. He said, "No."

Ralph was breathing in and out of his nose so hard stuff starting to come out of it and none of it looked pretty. "Potter," he said, "Is the only word in your whole vocabulary, no?"

Harry thought for a moment before saying, "No."

"Then say another word besides no."

"No."

"Please," asked the Mr. Dr. Professor almost begging him to.

"No."

Ralph stood up and started pulling out hair. Then, seeing Harry still sitting there innocently, he ran over and started to choke him. Aurors came in at once and pulled Ralph kicking and screaming out of the room. Fudge and Dumbledore came in, one calmer then the other as you can imagine. Fudge looked ready to try choking Harry himself as he said, "What the hell is wrong with you boy?"

Harry thought for another moment and said, "No."

Fudge stormed out of the room (again) as Dumbledore and Harry slowly made their way to the fireplace. Once in Dumbledore's office, Harry saw the teachers assembled yet again. Just as Dumbledore arrived, McGonagall asked him, "Did you make him cry?"

Harry shook his head, "Nope, but he did start to choke me."

McGonagall was proud of Harry, very proud, but she just said, "Fifty points to Gryffindor now go to the Common Room. I'm sure Mr. Weasly and Mrs. Granger will want to hear about it." The teacher waited until Harry closed the door and McGonagall started to laugh as she got her money. Since only Dumbledore, Flitwick, and she bet that Ralph would try to choke him, they got twenty-five galleons each!

Harry recapped the entire scene to Ron and Hermione as soon as he got into the Common Room. This time Harry and Ron managed to stay in their seats, but poor Hermione fell off her chair. She hit the floor with a loud thump and immediately, Ron stopped laughing to help her up and blushed while doing so. In the lull that followed, Harry said aloud, "I really do think McGonagall is making money off of us."

Ron nodded his ascent but Hermione asked, "Do you think she would?" The boys raised her eyebrows and she sighed. They did do things that would make for very interesting bets.

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A/N: Again, I get good reviews, and then I'll know I have start writing again! 


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